Countdown begins

5 Days remaining. Then I'll be back in the UK.

This last week has been a tad of an emotional roller coaster for a whole number of reasons, none of which I'm going to go into here. Now it's got to a point where my spirits with this project are almost thoroughly crushed. Need some kind of permanency to life to carry on, ideas have dried up, my own motivation is almost gone.

My boss is visiting tomorrow, tuesday and wednesday. I've got this dreadful sinking feeling that all will not go well. Still, into a kind of prison sentence of ticking off the days now until I can go home.

Now there's just apprehension to deal with!

Sarge? Can I come home yet?

Quick opportunity here to say congratulations to my lovely girlie on becoming a Sergeant last week on her training exercise.. despite all the worry she's passed and got her stripes.

Obviously worried now at having to call her "Sarge" the whole time and grovel more than I already do.. Erm.. dont know if that's enough! :)

Anyway, well done honey, dead proud.. only a week and a bit to go now! Anarchy returns! :)

Carving with the Island Folk...

So, finally I get an opportunity to post on the events of the weekend, well, saturday anyway. Eagle eyed readers of this will have remembered m'self and m'colleague were invited to a pumpkin carving party at the weekend over with the people on Bainbridge Island.

Got there reasonably on time.. 30 minutes late but we're at the mercy of ferry services so I think we can be excused. Quite a good gathering underway and found another Porsche driver to revert to "car bore" status with.

The idea was that we stand around for a bit, wait for guests, then head over to the pumpkin patch to select pumpkins. We decided to go all out and impress the yanks by doing "pumpkin in a pumpkin".. carving one design on a bigger pumpkin, then putting a smaller pumpkin inside it with a different design. So my chosen design - some trees on the first bigger one, and two guys robbing a grave. Unfortunately most people thought it was abe lincoln in a porn film due to an awkward positioning of a spade. Ah well.. it still looked intricate and sparkly. M'colleague did a big scary eye thing in some trees.. which was a heck of a lot bigger than mine and looked much better once the candles were in!

Tried some fabulous warm cider with rum in as well.. went down very well for sitting around the bonfire making smores (not sure if I've spelled that right?). For those of you who dont know smores (and i'm new to them too..). You get a marshmellow, stick in on the end of a stick (or wire coat hanger, if you're todd you wave it around like a divining rod until you locate the fire) toast the marsmellow, then get two crackers and a piece of hershey's ash-u-like chocolate (sorry, Hershey is dreadful), and you put the marshmellow in the crackers with the chocolate and form some kind of sandwich. Talk about sugar rush! But pretty damn good!

Anyway, the battery died on my camera so waiting for m'colleague to get off his arse and get his pictures developed from ye olde chemical film so I can share some!

Right im off now.. conference calls ahoy!

Nevada Versus Greenland

I really liked the scenery flying over Greenland, but as I promised I said I'd post some pics from my Vegas - Seattle flight.. so here they are. Pretty stunning scenery, including a really odd quary, a massive impact crater with either clouds or a lake in the middle, Portland (in oregon) and some lovely morning mists as I landed in Seattle..

Blackjack and Hookers

So despite my dripping cold and terrible sinus congestion I ventured OUT of my hotel last night! Yes.. I left the rio for the first time since I arrived.. and went to.... drum roll.... another hotel! Dahhhhhhh! Had to get a limo because it was cheaper, apparantly nobody takes taxi's in vegas. Very surreal, sitting on your own in the back of a gigantic stretched town car. I decided after seeing numerous adverts for it I'd head over to the Venetian and try just one game of poker so at least I can say I did vegas properly (well without the hookers anyway). Managed to break even on a pretty mixed table of no-limit texas hold-em, small blinds of only $10 so it was a pretty low-key affair. I walked away with the money I put in.. no more or less, so not bad really. We got nice corporate gifts as part of our event as well, got a book on how to play poker (should have read that properly before going to the tables!) and a nice poker cards and chips set.

This morning was pretty strange though.. got up at silly o-clock and was checking out at about 5am. Only it may as well have been 3pm. People at all the tables... slots, scantily clad waitresses, it NEVER stops!! Airport and flight went without a hitch.. nobody told me how painful flying is though when you have a head cold :(
I thought my ears were going to burst! Now I've got one ear thats popped and wont pop back!

The nevada desert was distracting enough though.. im not sure if I prefer it to seeing Greenland now.. anyway, I'll post pics later. Going to have a nap now and try and find out how to make my ears go back to normal!

Thwarted

I've got a night off.. no events tonight so I can explore Vegas a bit to myself. Think I'll go have a dabble at the poker table for a bit, but over at the Wynn or Sands, not here! I'm fed up with this hotel.

Only problem is i'm so unbelievably tired.. I have a head cold from hell which I accumulated rescuing a small child from some stairs whilst Whale Watching (he'd got his coat stuck), I got hit by a wave and was then cold and wet.. so.. full blown sore throat, goey nose and now my ears hurt as well. Flight back will be hell.

Watch a brilliant guy present yesterday, his company looks good as well check them out here.

So.. I'm going to have a nap, likely oversleep and miss out on my solo vegas experience..

Night of the very bored...

So the evening event has gone without a hitch in the sinister "Voodoo Lounge".. I'm back really early, not even 10pm yet!

I've only had a couple of corona's as well... anyway, remembered to take my camera up to the patio with me. So here's Las Vegas in all it's glorious shiny glory...

Why Me??

I've arrived in Las Vegas for my big summit thingy. Tonight is the first proper night of it, drinks reception in the hotels odd black-lit "voodoo lounge". Now, I had a drink in there last night (actually tw0... one AWFUL martini, and one good one).. and it's rather scary. Due to the black light quite a few things show up.. most worryingly on some of the americans wandering around.. patches of things showing up on the americans clothing. Altogether now.. cringe and shiver. So tonight should be interesting. I'll be wearing all black to look smug and not show up.. and to prove that unlike the others in there I'm not a depraved vagrant.

Las Vegas isn't great. As m'colleague described it earlier it's America on "full volume". Everything is very very bright, and very very loud. The lobby of the hotel is actually a casino as well, so you have to fight your way through old people stuffing quarters in slots, scantily clad women desperately trying to get you to have more drink (so that you get drunk and go blow all your money with the other scantily clad women running the poker tables). It's also far far too colourful.

I'll upload photos when I can.. my hotel room is MASSIVE 600sq ft with just me rattling around in it.. and tomorrow I have to be horribly intimidated by people far far more senior and cleverer than me.

Actually... one thing I've found sums Las Vegas up perfectly. Mini-Bar... one small fridge with drinks on one side, on the other side, two drawers. Top draw contains snacks, crisps, candy etc. The second draw contains one bottle of water, one jar of jelly beans, one jar of candy, a tube of pringles, a disposable camera and an "intimacy kit" containing two condoms, some lubricant and hand wipes. Says a lot about Vegas that the intimacy kit is right next to the camera! Also says a lot about America that they called it an "Intimacy Kit" in the first place..

right, time to go and socialise and get drunk!

Tomorrow the Wooorrrrrldd!!

Another 5am start today for demonstrations for Europe. This morning was a disaster of Tuesday like proportions with spanish people putting us on hold, m'colleagues laptop dying half way through, and then being asked utterly stupid questions the whole time. Still, we're through it.

We've been out planning and plotting today on what could be a stonkingly good business case that make make the company milllliooons of dollars, but it requires a signifcant ($5 million spend). Well it's either this lot or we take the plan to somebody else.. got all the market data and everything for it now researched, it's cast iron.. anybody want to spend a few million, you'll get it back within 2 years.. honest guv!

Was nice being amongst the hustle and bustle of downtown as well, visited a fantastic Sushi place on 5th in Pacific Place mall. Shame my stomach seems to have shrivelled to the size of a walnut!

Vegas all of next week on a swanky posh corporate event, so expect tales of hookers and blackjack... other people enjoying them of course! Vegas baby!

My girlie has finally gone off for a week to her blowing things up 'holiday', well they make you get up at 6 for exercise, shout at you, make you run around in the cold and then shoot things, but she likes that kind of thing. I think I'll get a big hamster wheel and a megaphone for her as a present for xmas!

Oh, check out our fantastic pumpkin carving experiments, great fun and they look cool.. we did kinda cheat and use patterns from books though..

Good luck Vixie!

Just thought I'd put a note up here to wish my girlie good luck for her Cadre next week... she's dead nervous and worried to bits how it will go, and she refuses to listen to reason that, as always it'll work out just fine, she'll do great and everyone knows she will.

More importantly it's what she enjoys doing.. running around playing army and blowing stuff up. I'm actually kinda nervous about getting home, we now have guns in the house, and not the silly plastic kind you find in Toys R' Us either!

So, from the magical world of the ingernet good luck honey, I know you'll do fine, so quit worrying.

It's always good to end a blog posting with a nice explosion as well...

Walking 101: Up, forward, down, change legs... repeat

I've had a moment of clarity this morning, I've realised that the world is stupid. Presumably skilled technical delivery people, ones sufficiently qualified to be referred to as "stakeholders" in my project, have somehow reverted to infantile levels of common sense.

The americans dialled into a conference call reserved for Europeans, and filled it up so none of the europeans could get access. The people asked to fill in the survey are struggling that a tick box with a tick already in means "yes", and one that's blank means "no". Instead of accepting the right conference calls tomorrow for their timezones they've answered them both, and then been confused as to why there's a call at midnight... it's because it's not FOR you.. simpletons.

They always say never work with animals and children, why did I get both? Before people think I'm yank-bashing I'm not. The Europeans have all accepted the wrong conference calls and are the ones mainly struggling with survey forms and requesting permissions. I'm sorry to say that some of these people are fellow countrymen from the UK. I despair, I really do.

To be honest the only countries to have been utterly faultless in working with this process, and dealing with it without any problems is Australia. God bless the Aussies.. sorry about the ashes and all that.. but after 18 years we wouldnt mind having them for a bit!

Anyway, here's a pretty picture of George Bush Jr waving the flag of intellect. What a shining example of modern thinking power he really is. A completely accurate indictment of the global IQ of the human race, especially based on what I've seen of it this morning.

Any aliens reading now would be a good time to invade.. we're all hopeless.

Some Velvet Morning...

Hazy crazy morning. First conference call at 6am which I decided to do from the comfort of my bed, as you do when you have to talk to multi-billion dollar customer account teams. Well I figured it was so early, so what the hell.

It's all hazy and foggy this morning, clouds are really really low and black, makes the 'fall' colours look interesting. Speaking of which, why is the USA so different with it's Autumn. We've got pretty much similar foliage back in the UK but ours doesnt bother with anything like these colours. Back home we have browns, oranges, some light greens etc. The tree outside my window here is going a shocking fire red, there's a big dark red bush further out, and in the middle of the parking area there's a bright orange tree.. it's all very surreal. Oh and it's raining. Looks pretty though because bits of the clouds are orange with the sunrise (it's damn early!)

So after my conference call there's been the usual following up of emails.. the grim horror and sense of doom I have everytime I open up Outlook to see who's messaging.. my rollercoaster of facial expressions starting with my big grin from reading from my girlfriend, to the sense of futile despair when I read that 90% of people who have "manager" in their job title have an inability to fill forms in properly. My job title has just changed to include the word "manager"... oh dear.

Give it six months and I'll be a gibbering beaurocratic wreck... if any of you are humming the "Steptoe & Son" theme tune now stop it..

Sunday In New Y... erm.. Seattle...

Not quite the same ring to it. Come to think of it I dont think anybody has written any songs about Seattle. Hmm.

Anyway, it's Sunday. I've had a really miserable unproductive day. Nothing really bad has happened.. I missed speaking to my girlie this morning and I think that kind of set me off. I've been into Redmond town centre again. Yesterday I popped into Borders and sat with a cup of coffee and browsed through a load of books. Was great, had loads of ideas which is good because we've been asked to produce a 10 year technology forecast.. it's proving really interesting. However, couldnt get the same progress today. Borders was full of screaming children, the verizon and cingular shops didnt have the data cable we needed, and I couldnt find any decent vegetables in Larry's.

It's just been one of those days.. I wanted a typical Sunday like I have at home. Wake up with my girlie, have a nice lay in with tea, breakfast and trashy TV (Futurama DVD's are a sunday morning favourite).. then get up, go out for a bit, get back, cook a meal etc.

Despite M'colleague being here so I'm not on my own.. I actually feel very slightly lonely. Think it's because I want Vicky, kinda left me moping about for a bit. Sighing a lot.. etc.

Well.. soon be bed time. Stupid early starts every morning for fecking conference calls with miserable europeans.

Holy crap I'm turning into Steptoe..... aaaaaaaargggh.
All I ever do is complain.. and snipe.. bloody hell, I need happy pills!

If anybody has any suggestions on how I can cheer up despite the fact I have to stay here until November please... please.. answers on the back of a postcard. Better yet send money. Or alternatively become a global solutions manager for a big ICT company and then come and have my job so I can go home!

Oh dear...

Friday has proved to be a mild Tuesday. I majorly f*cked up with a few communications today and upset a few people. A brief moment of me dropping the ball.. I like to think im pretty good at my job, and the one thing I've learned is that there are a number of people who really really enjoy it on those brief occaisions I screw up. The vultures are circling, I havent heard the last of this I'm sure!

But it hasnt affected just me.. my poor girlie has finally had a night into herself, and pipex managed to completely screw over our internet connection. So, poor lass has failed to get anything done.. even with special technical support from me. I think she's used to it from guys at work... I got the hint when she asked "Is this the bit where you ask me to ping something?". Damn right.. but I did ask her to do a tracert in the end on the grounds I was convinced the problem was Pipex's DNS servers... and it seems to have been exactly that!

Anyway, on the flight on the way here I remembered to pack my camera in my hand luggage.. If any of you have ever flown to Northern Western Canada or USA you'll be familiar with the stunning sight of Greenland.. possibly the most spectacular landscape on earth. I've seen it on better, clearer days, but I havent had my camera with me. So, just have to make do with these... oh I also managed to get a very pretty picture of downtown Seattle as we came in to land as well!

Is it safe to come out now?

Shhhhhh..... I think the hellish experiences of this week have blown over. Late yesterday BA updated the lost baggage online with "Baggage received, intiated delivery process". Which means I finally get my luggage back.. albeit after I've been and retrieved two new chargers for my phones.

There's just one thing that concerns me. I've got up at 6am this morning for conference call punishments from various more senior people, and my luggage still hadnt arrived at 11pm when I went to bed, but.. my luggage was sitting in the middle of the lounge waiting for me. Now, this could be one of three scenarios:

1. M'colleague was awake when the doozer delivered the baggage, and left it there hoping it was some kind of trap and in the dark I'd fall and break my neck, leaving him in a position to steal my worldly goods and possibly girlfriend as well. He'll nick anything him.. he's a little bit woooaaah a little bit waaaaayyy.

2. Doozer delivered baggage, knocked, realised it was late, and just walked in and left it here. This scenario in particular bothers me.. it means that people are allowed to enter the apartment or at least have keys to enter the apartment when we're out, or asleep. I dont know if anybody else finds this idea creepy but I sure as hell do. Alternatively it's sheer paranoia caused by the fact I've not had any coffee yet.

Absence of Control

Since tuesday this week I have been at the mercy of forces beyond my control. Things started to derail on Tuesday, as always, so if anybody DARES challenge the Tuesday rule now... well.. ruing will be involved, mums will be mentioned. I usually drone on and rant for hours on here. This week has been so terrible, I simply cant.. so I'll just give you the facts.

----------------------
Saturday 1st October
16:00 PST, Seattle Tacoma International Airport, USA
Arrive SeaTac airport, board flight to London Heathrow. Upgraded to Club. Result!
----------------------
Sunday 2nd October
12:00 GMT - London Heathrow Airport, UK
Arrive London Heathrow. Sit for 30 minutes 25 metres away from Gate because tractor that has to tow the plan said 25 metres hasnt arrived.
14:35 GMT - London Heathrow Airport, UK
Board flight to Barcelona. Boring flight. Slept.
16:00 GMT +1 - Barcelona Airport, Spain
Arrive Barcelona. Taxi driver spends 40 minutes lost on way to hotel. Arrive hotel. Miss dinner appointment, annoy boss.
----------------------
Monday 3rd October
08:00 GMT+1 - Barclona Princess Hotel, Spain
Breakfast. Terrible. Strange omlette gives me awful indigestion. Several Tums later and I'm better.
12:00 GMT+1 - Barcelona Executive Conference Centre, Spain
Press interviews. First chap doesnt speak any english. Interpreter awkwardly translates deep technical details. Results may be iffy. Second interview, boss broadsides me by using wrong product name for launch which wasnt agreed. I despair.
15:00 GMT+1 - Back of a taxi, Barcelona, Spain
Travel to Torro de Consolla where event is being held. En-route I raise issue of my hapless colleagues flight for his girlfriend as our time here is to be extended by a a further two weeks. Get told in simplest of terms "You should be honoured to work for this company, go away you silly little man". I sulk.
15:30 GMT+1 - Torro De Consolla, Barcelona, Spain
Arrive at event location. It looks like a concrete bunker. Spend afternoon moving everything up to the observation deck.
18:00 GMT+1 - Torro De Consolla, Barcelona, Spain
Evening event goes wonderfully. Many hero points accumulated from my brilliant presentation to the customers and guests present.
23:00 GMT+1 - Barcelona Princess Hotel, Spain
Return to hotel. Remember I'm sulking. Spend evening whining over drinks about how horrible our employer is. Retire to bed, slightly drunk and morose.
----------------------
Tuesday 4th October (brace yourself)
09:45 GMT+1 - Barcelona Princess Hotel, Spain
Taxi booked to airport for 09:30 has failled to arrive. Other taxi is hastily arranged. Due to error on computer Hotel try and charge me five thousand Euro for 2 nights in hotel. Problem worked through. Taxi driver grumpy because kept waiting.
10:20 GMT+1 - Barcelona International Airport, Spain
Taxi arrives at airport. Huge queues create bad feeling deep down.
10:30 - GMT+1 - Barcelona International Airport, Spain
Get to front of queue bad feeling justified. French air traffic control on strike, Barcelona - Heathrow flight delayed by 2 hours, meaning I will miss my London-Seatte flight. Re-booked onto American Airlines flight to Chicago from London, then United Airlines from Chicago to Seattle.
14:00 GMT+1 - Barcelona International Airport, Spain
Board plane, 2 hours late. Once on plane informed we will be staying on plane for further 2 hours. meaning I will miss my Chicago flight as well.
17:30 GMT London Heathrow Airport, UK
Arrive 5 hours late at London Heathrow. BA check me in for next day 14:35 direct flight to Seattle. Spend night in miserable Renaissance airport hotel, where somehow a gin and tonic costs £10.
----------------------
Wednesday 5th October
11:30 GMT - London Heathrow Airport, UK
Get train to Heathrow Terminal 4
12:35 GMT - London Heathrow Airport, UK
Check in to Seattle flight.
14:00 GMT - London Heathrow Airport, UK
Board Seattle flight. Sitting next to American couple from hell, insist on explaining everything to each other in minute detail at such volume my voice cancelling headphones will not block them out. Ipod Mini Battery dies. Thank heavens for 1gb corporate mp3 player.
16:15 PST - Seattle Tacoma Airport, USA
Arrive Seattle Tacoma. Immigration passes by without issue. My name is anounced on the pa system to speak to the BA rep. My luggage has is marked "not seen" and thus, not on plane.
17:00 PST - Seattle Tacoma Airport, USA
Luggage not on plane. Report luggage missing. Realise shoes and chargers are all in luggage along with shirts and proper business atire. Praying no meetings before luggage is found. Small cuddly cat "catswold" which sentimintally gets sent around the world with me or my girlfriend when we're apart is also in luggage. I am gutted.
18:00 PST - Redmond, USA
Arrive back at apartment. Excellent food prepared by m'colleague, wine already stocked.. see review.
22:00 PST - Redmond, USA
Sleep the sleep of the lagged.
----------------------

So. There you go. No whinging. I think you'll understand. I'm just so tired. It's not over yet either. There's still the saga of the missing luggage. I've realised when travelling, I have no control over anything. I merely turn up in places im told to clutching the right information, and im therefore at the mercy of French Air Traffic controllers, baggage handlers, taxi drivers, hotels, and airline representitives.

Yay!!

My girlie passed her tests today so she can go play army for a week soon. She's nervous as hell but she always is around these things.. but she always gets through it just fine. Perfectionist with high standards... you can see why she's going out with me right? ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to put something up on the blog about it.. dead proud of her!

Well done honey..
xxx

Where am I? Wha? What continent is this? Are those my feet?

Anybody who thinks that travel with work is fun hasnt actually had to do it. I'm now in Barcelona. I'm here for ONE day... that's right ONE day. I left lovely cosy Seattle and flew (all bit in snug Club World seat) to London, where they left the plan 25m away from the gate for 30 minutes, because British regulations say pilots cant park the plane themselves.. a little man with a tractor has to do it for them. In this particular case the doozer with the tractor was absent... and thus we sat, staring at our gate for 30 minutes.

I then spent a mind numbing 2 hours at Heathrow Terminal 1 before getting on another BA flight to Barcelona. After boarding we were then told that due to continuing disputes with Gate Gourmet, there was no food, or bottled water for the 2 hour flight, but we were welcome to tea and coffee if we wanted some. I stewed.. all the way here. Testimony to the fact that the UK needs all the decent people removing from it.. given options of living wherever they like, and then having the whole place razed to the ground. Now I'm in Barclona for Monday (tomorrow) before departing Tuesday morning.

How utterly pointless. And I'm only here to do a 15 minute talk tomorrow night.. then I fly alllll the way back to Seattle again.



On the plus side my Hotel is lovely. I'm up on the 22nd floor with really stunning views over the city, I can see the cathedral really well, all looks lovely at night. I'll pop some photos up later.