A Mild Tuesdaying of the Day

Yesterday almost made it through without much in the way of incident. I watched two of my bosses having a big row, with me in the middle like some sort of crazy tennis match, then m'colleague walking into the room hilariously upbeat asking if he could join in.. very amusing!

I lost motivation around 3pm if I'm honest, and resorted to staring at my screen vacantly hoping I could will documents into existence through the power of lazyness. Sadly that didnt work.

Last night the fan heater decided to only work on medium heat.. so took the chill off my room at my dads, but then getting so cold as soon as I'd fallen asleep that I got woken up by a large glacier passing through the room. Okay that's not strictly true but being woken up by cold is an unpleasant experience enough!

Everyone is ill at the moment so it seems. M'colleague is spluttering germs everywhere, most of the people I work with have just returned from bouts of man-flu, and now I have an unpleasant cough. Still, it's wednesday today, payday.. and I'm off for some retail therapy.

It doesnt bode well because the last time I tried retail therapy I only ended up buying things for other people. I'm after the new Lemon Jelly album to see if it's any good - not heard anything from it but I've loved LJ's stuff way before they became popular. The KY album is still the best one just for mellowing out in the bath...

... which, just before I go brings me onto another rant. The bath at my dads is TINY, plus there's no active heating in the bathroom, meaning the only warm thing in the room is the bath water, which is only warm enough if you remember to turn the emersion heater on 12 years before you need to actually use the water. Given how stressful work and life in general is, all I've wanted to do is mellow out in a nice warm bath. Unfortunately the best I've managed is curling into the foetal position (to try and get as much of my body underwater in tiny bath as I can) in luke-warm water, and staying there trying to get up the courage to step out of the bath, knowing as soon as I do the water on my body will instantly freeze to hypothermia inducing levels, and my genitals will retract to roughly the position of my lungs. At this rate I'm just going to take my clothes off and run into the North Sea. I'm sure it's warmer.

I'm also becoming incredibly annoyed by the nations obsession with sponsoring talentless idiots that look like they've been bashed repeatedly with a steam iron to appear on television and sing at me. I caught a glimpse of the "X Factor" over the weekend and came to the conclusion that the brain dead banner waving zombies in the audience are an excellent cross section of the general population. I hate you all. What I'd like to see is the "eggs factor". Where people are asked basic IQ and general knowledge questions, and if they get a right answer are pelted with eggs by the audience. Yes thats right, if they get a *right* answer. If they get a wrong answer a large Geode (egg made from stone) is dropped on them from a great height.

An "eggs factor" contestant scrambles for their life

Actually, just lace the envelopes on the application forms with cyanide and kill them during application process. The type of person who applies for that kind of show deserves to be removed - and you save all the money from actually having to make, televise and advertise the show.

Simple!

Brussels & the weekend

So last few days have been interesting.

Brake work on Wednesday actually went without fault - they did actually discover my rear tyres were bald, and since then the weathermen are busy telling us we're expecting snow, that there'll be some massive blizzard heralding the new ice age and we're all going to die. British weathermen seem to love their jobs too much, everythings always "the worst something in so many years". Likely we'll get a bit of drissle with about 1cm of snow afterwards, but the country will still grind to a halt. Given the change in conditions though it seems sensible to get the tyres sorted.

So, booked it in for Saturday morning.

Friday was spent in Brussels, Belgium doing some customer presentations which all went very well. Brussels as a city is actually extremely boring, but then again I rarely get to see much of it as I fly in and out on the same day (as with Amsterdam). Now that i'm living back in the south of England thats a lot more difficult. Before I'd just have a quick 20 minute drive down to Birmingham airport to board the 6:35am flight to Brussels. Now I have to get up at 3:00am to do the 1.5 hour drive up to the airport, and the UK's motorways are so horribly unpredictable that you cant take any chances - so you make it 2 hours. So there was me, half asleep staring at a dreadfully made latte in the airport wondering why I bother with this job - and why on earth people think it's exciting to travel so much. I did get a pretty staggering sun set in Brussels - photos are being sorted but haivng an argument with my camera right now.

Here's my itinery for the rest of 2005:

December 8th - Basle, Switzerland - 1 Day
December 14th - Brussels, Belgium - 1 Day
December 20th - Rome, Italy - 2 days (both meetings)

So during that time I'll get to see the inside of some airports, the insides of some taxis, some hotels, and some offices. If I'm very lucky I'll end up somewhere with a view. Though this is not likely given my employers preferences for hotels.

Yesterday Morning got my tyres done - both rear wheels at the cost of £478! But it's like having my car for the first time all over again. I've not had much to smile about since getting back from Seattle and the rather unpleasant change in circumstances - but yesterday I had a very big grin from ear to ear as I remembered how much fun having my car is! Did some shopping with friends yesterday, sitting in Ottakars in Milton Keynes shopping centre, drinking coffee and talking about books and figuring out why Nita needs to understand how to see again (lots of books on how to look at paintings). Surely that's pretty straight forward?! 1. Open eyes. 2. Aim them in general direction of painting. 3. Focus on said painting. 4. Identify objects and colours in said painting. 5. If painting still does not resemble a work of art, you may either be in the Tate Modern, or it's a light fitting in the gallery.

In the evening I did a bit more driving about, then joined friends for very very good wine. Today, I've decided that as its sunday and I have nothing better to do (again!) I'm going to tie up all the loose ends and fiddly bits with work that didnt get done last week.

Deep breath....

This *might* turn into a Tuesday. There's soooooo much opportunity for it to do so. Lets review the things happening today:

1. Major bid response for customer due by end of business today
(bet I dont get it finished, or I finish it but nobody has time to comment and thus it's useless)

2. Car having brake pads done at lunch
(bet it turns out that discs, tyres and whole car needs replacing somehow, at great expense)

3. Conference call rehersing for customer presentation
(bet the whole presentation needs re-writing but owing to point 1 I wont have time)

Last night was really nice though - out for dinner with m'colleague and his girl, plus other colleague who's south african and his lovely preggers wife - who's looking startingly not that pregnant at all even though baby is due in a matter of weeks!

Went to the "Old Green Man" pub in Little Brickhill which i Highly recommend, it's a bit like somewhere up t'north I used to go to (with my now ex-girlfriend) called the Nelson. On the outside traditional ye olde pub, inside all very habitat with bleached wood, beige, white and dark woods all mingling with lovely suede seating.

We had a problem eating at one point due to remembering funny bits of a book - cant remember the title and im sure somebody will post on it soon enough - if not I'll buy it myself.

Such classic mis-use of the english language with fantastic missing commas:

"Elephants stay in your car" - "sheep keep your dog under control" - "Wanted man to look after cow that does not smoke or drink" and so on and so forth.

Was very funny.

Right back on with today to see what horrors it brings. Watch this space.. well the space above this as they'll be new posts!

Our Competitors - Vile and Disgusting!

The ground floor of our building is occupied by another IT company, one of our competitors in fact, so we have to share a car park. Our bays are clearly marked out with white lines, their bays with yellow ones.

I've just observed something absolutely awful. Some guy has parked his dark blue volvo estate at the far end of the car park facing the hedges which define it (same hedges the learner drove into the other day). Now it's not that far to walk from car to building from there.. but this guy saw fit to open his car door, stand in front of it (so back to the open door) and promptly proceed to go for a slash in the hedge. Then when done shut the car door and walk back into the building.

Absolutely utterly vile.

I was going to get the camera and capture it, but then I realised I'd be taking pictures of somebody going for a slash, and that's probably even more sick and weird than him doing it in the first place.

Gross.

Bored of the Things : Return of the Colleague

So, m'colleague is back from various travels. Only to discover a big pile of work and that his desk has been moved the noisiest part of our offices here in sunny Milton Keynes. I'm still occupying my bosses office which is at least quiet.

I had actually planned on giving both m'colleague and his person-sitting girlfriend plenty of space and generally avoiding them until I found somewhere else to stay. Unfortunately my fathers house pre-dates central heating, and is normally heated by a large warm natural fire in the lounge. Sadly no chimney sweep has been involved for some time, and the upstairs of the house is such that no human, or small animal could survive up there during winter. Saturday and Sunday night were, shall we say, interesting. Saturday wasnt so bad. Sunday however got so cold that I had to wear a pair of jeans to bed, and several layers of bedding, onto which more things were piled. Almost like wearing all your clothes and then sleeping under all your posessions. It's a very comfy bed though! :)

Monday morning when I woke up I still couldnt feel my legs, and a thin layer of ice had formed on a glass of water next to the bed (thats how cold it was!), and I closely resembled the picture on this posting. So both m'colleague and girl have insisted that those conditions are insane, and funny as it maybe it's not actually possible to survive in them. So was all snug and warm back at theirs last night - and very pleasant it was too. Hopefully my father has procured an electric heater for that room over the course of today so I shall be back there tonight, but in the warm!

I'm amassing a rather large amount of laundry as well...

Today has been thoroughly unproductive.

As you do..

All day yesterday (Sunday) I was feeling pretty wierded out. Not 100% sure why, woke up like it, spent all day being moody and reflective and I'm never very good with that. Lunchtime I decided to go and get the car cleaned. Winter is dreadful for silver cars, for a start all the really horrid black dirt clings to the spoilers at the back, and then the front gets covered in Salt and grit and crap from the road.

I was going to raid the shopping centre for some new jeans and assorted winter gear but the queue for the car park put me off.

So, decided in an unusual fit to head into the office and get some more work done (hence my post from the office about being all dedicated).

There's a pic here of how pretty the sky went around 4pm.

After that, realised I had nothing else to do, and was feeling very solitary and miserable in my own thoughts. I do my best sulking either with a good view or behind the wheel. So decided to combine the two and drive to Bristol. Yep, that's right. Bristol. For some reason my brain decided it wanted to be sitting and looking at the severn bridge swathed in fog with that strange hooting noise it makes.

Pointless experience valeting the car - it's covered in crap again from driving up and down to Bristol. The bridge did look very cool though, looming from the mist like... erm... like... erm... a big looming bridge. That wierd hooting noise sounded even more sinister because it was echoing around the fog. Unforunately it was very dark, so the camera struggled a lot, and the best shot I managed to get off is the one below.

As for all the thinking. Never came to any conclusions, revelations or decisions. Life is simply how it is, and there's nothing I can do about that. Actually it could be argued that the one decision I came to was to just get on with it. Sh*t happens and all that.

At last!

Learner girl has driven into one of the hedges in the car park.

Now there's comitment...

.. or actually just "I have nothing better to do on a sunday afternoon and oh my god there's so much work on".

Yes that's right it's almost 4pm on a freezing cold Sunday afternoon and.... I'm in the office!
I had a sudden moment this morning when I realised that there's a huge pile of work amassing in front of me which I've been putting off from time to time. I'm supposed to be in Brussels on friday workshopping half this stuff!

Colleague arrived back from Spain yesterday so he's back in the arms of his girlie after she's been person sitting me all week, after I broke her with flu, then forced her education of films!

Saw the new Harry Potter film on friday - bit of a non-event really. Nothing much happens in the film, it's just set piece after set piece. Pretty effects, Hermione's accent gets posher and posher as the film goes on for no real reason. I'm sure the yanks love it though.

Somebody outside is teaching their daughter to drive in the car park. So far there's been a great deal of sitting still in the car.... ooh wait they're off... slowly.. kangarooing a bit but she's doing okay... missed a hedge at least. Doing pretty good actually. Well that's ruined the chances of hilarious things happening there. Damn.

Please! Please! No Autographs!

Somebody seems to find my neitszche ridden vitriolic outlook on life amusing, and has offered room and things. At this point you'd be saying "good god, are they insane?". I'd guess the answer to that is yes - it's m'colleagues sister. He's as daft as a brush, so I'm wondering if there's a family thing going on here.

Although I've been told recently that my various ramblings are actually amusing. Good!

In response to the comment which prompted this - here's a rather terrible, and incredibly cheesy photo of me.

Now that should put you off your dinner and ruin your weekend. Those of you who need conselling I know some good pscyhologists!

Pub'd

Who suggested going to the pub for a pint at lunch was a good idea?!? Pint of "directors" and some brie things in breadcrumbs (average) and im finding it difficult to work...

One of my eyes feels considerably warmer than the other one and my nostrils feel very hot as well. All very very strange. Anyway.. got a cup of coffee now in an effort to wake me up and motivate me to finish writing this very long and boring document...

Ah well... press on... only 3 hours to go at least!

Headaches with Pictures!

This morning I have been mostly drawing on my whiteboard with coloured pens.

Yes, it's that time of the month when I'm required to have "ideas"... you know, headaches with pictures. They've charged me with coming up with a new and shiny generic process by which everybody in the company will have ideas. My earlier suggestion of "fire them, add their salaries to my own, and I'll have the ideas for them" didnt go down too well, and somebody pointed out I dont know much about Cisco... I dont know much about lots of things but that doesnt stop me from approaching everything with bloody minded arrogance now does it?

Still.. playing with crayons for the better part of a morning is always fun. Just a shame I have to write a huge proposal this afternoon. But at least I get a pub break at lunch, one of my colleagues has been promoted up through the ranks of Project manager so a minor celebration is in order. Should be fun, hob-nobbing with new people I dont know and fighting off efforts of people to conduct match-making on me after the change in situation.

Also, I must have slept funny because my neck is killing me - my person sitter was good with the whole heat then ice, then stretching thing last night and it worked off the pain yesterday, but it's back again today. Limited motor functions! I'm broken!

Disclaimer

In an earlier post I claimed that my change in circumstances was neither fun, or exciting.
This is true of the situation but in no way reflective of the company in the form of m'colleagues girlfriend Nicola.

She is both fun, and exciting.

Now perhaps she'll stop hitting me.

On the streets with Bibby...

Fry & Laurie joke there - m'colleague will get it, the rest of you can go and develop a decent sense of taste in good old late 80's british comedy.

Seems to have become a running joke amongst people that my life is now in bags! I guess from a certain perspective it's funny but one thing's for sure it's getting damned annoying! Firstly there are 4 major bags and three minor ones containing different pieces of "life".

Bag one is a large orange suitcase - currently located at my dads. This contains surplus shirts and work clothes, as well as various bits of cabling and a collection of books.

Bag two is an equally large black suicase, also located at my dads. This contains non work clothes and an even larger amount of IT based cabling, chargers and gadgetry. Somewhere in there is the charger to my digital camera, the battery of which is now flat otherwise there'd be photographic evidence of "life in bags"

Bag Three is a microsoft backpack - this contains my laptop and follows me to work everyday

Bag Four is a zip bag containing bathroom necessaties and toilettries. This is currently located in the spare room at m'colleagues house

Bags Five, Six and Seven are plastic carrier bags containing clothes being worn, and forms secondary supply to both cases. These are currently located at m'colleagues as well.

So, I've now achieved vagrant status. All that accusing Redmond inhabitants of being peasants, vagrants and disgusting piles of smelliness has obviously come back in so much bad karma that I've become a vagrant as well!

What's more - I'm a vagrant in the office too! I have no desk, I have to be a homeworker so when they asked me what I needed I sarcastically said "a home would be a good start!". So im squatting in various peoples offices!

Wont christmas be fun kiddies!

Frodo - Ungrateful B*stard

Right, so the other night I finally got around to watching the Return of the King (couldnt remember any of it from when I went to see it - except Shelob, which m'colleague kept calling me in Seattle for no reason, probably because once I claimed to be a colony of spiders rather than a person)... aaaaanyway...

Frodo, is a miserable ungrateful git (stay with me on this one). 3 films right, starting perfectly normally, and then that HUUUUGE big journey to the fiery pits of that mountain in Mordor. During which time he's countlessly saved by his friend Sam, protected by big burly rustic men and a really powerful scary wizard. They've got him through everything, rescued him from Orcs, big horrid spiders (after they'd jabbed him), recovered him again from yet more Orcs from INSIDE a huge dirty great fortress.. finally it's all over, he's destroyed the ring. And how does he say thanks?

"right cheers lads, this place is dull, im off with the elves".

After all that he just f*cks off on a boat and leaves everyone behind. Ungrateful git. And what did he give Sam - a half finished book! It's a DIY present!

And another thing... why did it take him seemingly half an hour and lots of dappy looks into the camera to say bye anyway!?

Grrrr.

Why I've been quiet!

I've modified this to a summary version becuase it's not fair (and I have to admit a little strange) displaying contents of other peoples feelings and a relationship on a public facing website. Especially when the other person cant have their say either and potentially I could have made this post a bit too bias.

Anyway, long and short of it is, me and Vicky have split for various reasons. I'm now living back in MK but temporarily without accomodation until something gets sorted. It's hardly fun or exciting but that's life.

They say things happen for a reason so i wait with baited breath to find out what this one is!