Caffine Caffeine Caffeine

If any of the flies that actually tried to bite me up Rainier are still alive I'll be surprised.
My quest for the ultimate caffeine drink.. to find the one drink that can give me the shivers after just one drink continues. I may have to try Robusta coffee soon. In the meantime my experiments with the drinks continue:

SoBe Adrenaline
Dreadful. Bilge, utter bilge. I bought this from a tiny gas station of the 410 on the way through Mt Rainier National Park. I was feeling quite tired and wanted some swift energy kick to prep myself for wandering around mountains. This thing made my head hurt, had a dreadful taste (imagine somebody added something very bitter to Red Bull. Avoid like a (sorry, having trouble with corroborative nouns at the moment).

WhoopAss
Lurrvely. This one now finds itself a close second to Bawls. Tastes a lot like liquid sherbert with a smooth gradual energy boost. Felt myself gradually waking up rather than a 10 minute spurt hyper session. No real obvious downers, felt more awake but hardly in the mood to run a marathon, or climb a mountain. Did taste very nice though, and has an absurd amount of Vitamin B6!

My God, it's full of flies..

This is likely going to be a long post, so pull up a comfy chair and some popcorn.
Yesterday we decided to take a full day out from work (well it's a Saturday) and head over the Mt Rainier national park, with a view of seeing just how big that thing really is. It's 2 hours from here and always looks huge. By 1 hour into the journey driving through Emunclaw (and being distracted by a cheerleader car wash... yes, cheerleaders wash your car for you!), it was starting to look bigger and bigger. My sense of scale was beginning to struggle!

After taking a few wrong turns and finally arriving at Sunrise Visitors Centre, we had the most breathtaking views. I have never, in my whole life seen something as huge and awesome as that Mountain. After about 10 minutes I'd lost words and resorted to just vowel sounds.

And yes, it's true.. we did a lot of walking, we actually climbed from 6100ft where the visitors centre is to 7194ft; the top of Mount Burroughs. Views from there were even more staggering.. the sheer scale of the place still confuses the hell out of me. Rainier looked so close from up there.. but closer inspection of its lower slopes revealed distant forests amongst streams, rivers and of course the massive glacier systems. Only real comedy point was strange a vagrant in the restaurant with a GIGANTIC bag of blueberries. Oh and the lunatic driver running 3 people off the road by driving very very close and waiting until they swerved out of our way to the hard shoulder. So between us we can terrify old men with disabilities, and traumatise american motorists! Hurrah!

If you're confused about the title, the mountain is covered with flies.. big flies.. with nasty sharp pointy teeth. Everywhere!

My own words are never going to be enough for describing this. So.. here's a selection of photos wot I did take!

Seattle Pensioners: Zero to Hobble in under a second!

Today was divided reasonably equally between trawling around looking for stuff for me for the gym.. yes, the gym, and I *do* intend to go! Finally found a good store recommended to us by our friends here.

Unfortunately when leaving my malicious side was utterly exposed, and for some reason found great joy in slowing down to a stop to let a very elderly man with a walking stick cross... then edging the car forward suddenly. It's amazing how fast pensioners can move when given good motivation, me maniacally grinning behind the wheel of an approaching car seems to do it.

Lame and infirm indeed... Malingering swines the lot of them!


Was excellent comedy.. and for those of you that appreciate good comedy we were both reminded of a very cruel and unpleasant song by Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. For those of you easily offended, I've toned down the language... or alternatively treat it as an exciting "guess the missing letter" game.

---
Run! You f*cker RuN!
Run in front of this here car what we are driving
You're in my bloody way
He ran, stumbled, suffered a heart attack...
for he was lame..

Laugh.... we nearly sh*t!

etc. etc.

For those of you gaping open mouthed at the blog in horror.. I suggest listening to the original version. For those of you shocked and appauled.. I'm surprised it's taken you this long to realise what an unpleasant twisted individual I am!

Caffeine Nation

Most people who know me well, know that I'm a complete caffeine freak (not just a complete freak). The USA seems to offer an abundance of new caffeine drinks for me to sample.. so look for handy Martha Stewart (or possibly more Jeremy Clarkson) style reviews of Caffeine products as I encounter them.

Bawls
Niiiiice. Best I've had to be honest. Lovely stuff, only tried the blue sugar laced variety. Looooads of Caffeine though. Didnt quite give me the jitters but a great buzz all the same. Shame cant really get hold of this in the UK, but for time being I'm happy enough. Dont think its made me that crabby yet either. Where's my coffee... more.. shutup.. who asked you... now get lost!

Jolt Cola
Looks like a battery, tastes like very sweet very gassy cola. Not nice really. Bill Gates once said that the first version of Windows was built by keeping developers awake with Jolt Cola. At least that explains why Windows sucks.... this stuff is disgusting. On the plus side the empty can is great for Darth Vader impressions!

Palace of Grim & Evil

Don't know who's who out of that, I think I'm more evil than bog trotter, but both count as Grim I think.

Anyway, finally got around to posting up photos of the flat/apartment whatever you want to call it... Palace of will do. Enjoy the pictures, with such marvelous highlights as the huge American washing/drying facility, and the erm... Marvelous sockets.

Monsters!

Bloody monsters everywhere... there's one that lives in the sink that eats all our stuff we dont want, and now the notorious P.I.G. has found the "M" button on the remote. He's decided it summons a monster (rather than mute the TV which is what it actually does). Also there's the Monster which lives in the freezer and occaisionally makes buzzing noises.... and there's a small airbourne one making a pest of itself. Oh and the moth on the wall.. that can be a monster as well until I can think of another one.

Something tells me i'll be explaining this blog to a psychiatrist in years to come...

Why does it cost so much?!

Another glorious day of sunshine, and extreme warmth. Thankfully not quite as hot as it was yesterday. Hoping the company coughs up some more money on our expenses soon, the level of furnishing of the apartment was a bit sub-standard and after my beloved girlie forwarded me our bill for it, not exactly feeling cheerful. Yet another thing to be stressed about! Great!

Well at least the weather is holding up.. shame we're stuck inside and working our guts out. We did get our hands on new toys today though, latest release of the Windows Vista (bloody daft name if you ask me), which is claiming to be capable of changing our lives, generally wonderful. Will reserve judgement until it's working!

Anyway, Kirkland looked lovely, kicking myself for not taking my camera with me, looked so nice just wanted to be out on the water. Still we're chained to this project for a while. I'm sure there'll be time!

His name is Bobby ooooooh... Bobby De Niro... aaaaahhh

Spiffing evening in.. weather is still absolutely glorious if a bit on the hot side today. Still at least tomorrow we're not working from the apartment all day. A brief foray into Kirkland to have a few meetings, lunch by the lake and then back for more work and Igor's daily lashing. I'll be nicer and not go too harsh on him this time. He did make an excellent cocktail this evening so he can be forgiven. Interesting drink.. unique in that it forces half of your face to do the Esther Rantzen from Bottom (made from Ouzo, Pernod, Salt and Marmalade) followed by a swift contraction into Robert De Niro. Strange.

Watched Smack the Pony, and after deciding that Sarah Alexander is probably the best looking girl in comedy.. or was in comedy (what the hell is she doing now?!), discussed why female basists in groups are usually quite attractive as well.

Occasional interjections from my friend in Dubai on Instant Messenger arguing that Goldfrapp are going a bit "80's Pop" have gone mostly ignored... nothing wrong with a bit of 80's pop.. wholly intend playing bits of the new album loudly at the first BBQ I get to attend...

... you see if I don't.

Right, have to go to bed really, 1:38am, had my feeding on the young and now I need to go and hang upside down in a wardrobe for a while.

... i'm sure he's slipping garlic into my food.

Blended beats & bright sunshine

I think its time we credited Soma FM for supplying our tunes whilst we work. Fabulous internet radio station, highly recommend their BeatBlender selection. If you're into artists like Rae & Christian, Amon Tobin, Thievery Corporation, Massive Attack etc. you'll love these.

Perfect soundtrack to this weather!

The Tuesday Rule

Some of you are aware of my rule about Tuesdays, why I dread them so much when they come around each week. Everything thats bad, thats ever happened to me in my whole life, all those big events that haunt you... they've all happened to me on Tuesdays. As a result ive slowly developed a kind of phobia for them. Just for those of you going "yeah... right"... it applies to you lot too... I was born on a Tuesday, and think how much happier you'd all be if I wasnt in your miserable little lives!

Tuesday In UK

Tuesday in WA

Nothing at all dreadful happened yesterday. My new US credit card turned up, has been activated and works (so missed Tuesday opportunity there), I didnt have any deep and depressing conversations with anyone, I got loads of work done including a lovely new architecture diagram, and nothing dreadful happened to me at the store either, plus the weather was still lovely, was a very hot day!

I'm wondering if Tuesdays have rellocated themselves to a different day of the week.. or if it's only Tuesday GMT (meaning I sleep through it).. if thats the case I have to start figuring out when the "window of futile despair" is, when all the bad stuff should happen and then make sure im asleep! Unless its saving itself up for a really really bad Tuesday.. the likes of which I've never seen!

The glorious weather goes on, I've spoken to my other half.. and whilst we're on that subject... set your blog up. Bloody oompa loompers, thought you were supposed to be hard working people! ;) Only kidding :)

Right.. more coffee!

The Aftermath...

Why oh Why didn't I just stick to a weak lemon drink!? Actually I don't feel as rough as I thought.. given that I did knock together a Martini using Plymouth Gin after we'd had the original vodka one... then bored of the things decided it would be a good idea to have a neat tequila... which was disgusting. Still one glass of fizzygoodmakefeelnice and things are approaching normal. Which is a shame because I've realised how depressing normal is...

Also, apparently I have very large feet.

Black books really is the finest sitcom in TV history to date.....

Men behaving with reasonable discord!

Well it's not quite men behaving badly in our small apartment... rather than beer I've carefully assembled one of my martini's, which I've been goaded into supplying instructions for its creation. Remembered to bring my Goldfrapp live DVD with me, so have spent the evening drooling over the lovely Alison Goldfrapp (pic)... sexiest woman in music today, just my opinion. Great voice too!

So.. That Martini. Firstly a few notes; It's not actually technically a Martini, purists will demand it's called a Vodkatini or a Vodka Martini because it's made with Vodka not Gin. Also this is not a cocktail for the faint hearted, you must like good, and strong vodka to enjoy it!

To make this cocktail you'll need a bottle of good vodka (either Grey Goose, or Stoli Crsytal/Gold), a very very good Vermouth. In my opinion Martini & Rossi is utter dribble, and anybody who tries to make this with Cinzano needs to be fired from a cannon, into the sun. For best results use Noilly Prat Extra Dry.

Mr Music... will you play!

1. Place your largest Martini glasses, as shallow as you can find, wet and place in the freezer until a slight frosting appears over the glass
2. Pour half a shot of Vermouth into each glass and swirl around, gently coating the inside of the glass, then flick excess vermouth into sink until there is none left in the glass (this will produce an extra dry martini)
3. Get a cocktail shaker or large pint glass and add about four or five cubes of ice
4. Pour half a shot of vermouth per glass into the shaker/pint glass with the ice and stir gently
5. Add 2.5 shots of Vodka per glass into the shaker/pint glass and stir again slowly. Do NOT shake.. James Bond has not taste good martini's should be stirred not shaken, shaking breaks up the ice and waters the drink down, it'll prevent the vermouth and vodka blending nicely
6. Take a lemon and form slight curly springy shapes and place into each glass, some people like olives, I prefer the sharp taste from lemons with vodka.. It's a lovely blend!
7. Use a cocktail strainer, or a very clean fine sieve to pour the Vodka/vermouth into each glass (this stops unwanted ice falling into your drink)
8. The mixture should appear very slightly cloudy, though how much will depend on your choice of vodka.
9. Put your feet up and enjoy!

There.. Code monkey seemed to enjoy it, and the combination of me providing cocktails and views of the lovely Alison seemed to have made up for the fact that I fed him toast earlier when I said we'd have the pasta... which I'm actually going to do in about 10 minutes. When I might have to make another martini!

Supey-Twist!

Late night coffee, python and gadgetry

7:55am, I've been up for an hour and a half, got first conference call out of the way already, trying to explain project derailing to the European powers and my cunning plan to save it. Too much brain power required. Coffee grains are too fine and we're left drinking a mix of coffee grinds and water... rather than filtered coffee. Interesting expressions over the worksurface as faces contort into bitter caffeine loaded reactions!

Feel dreadful this morning, spent about an hour trying to program a remote control for the tv, only to discover the old one worked anyway. Must be funny watching two supposedly technical "experts" feebly trying to manipulate a standard basic universal remote. In the end just watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail... and there was much rejoicing. Realised it's quite a long film, and bedtime at 2am followed by getting up at 6am for an early conference call makes me a very grumpy individual (well, more scorn filled than usual).

Also, not had a chance to say nice things about our wonderful laminated box of dreams - the Mac Mini (see picture). The little beast didnt cost very much, has built in wireless and bluetooth, and is quite happily serving both music and our internet access across the apartment. My only regret is not going for the 80gb hard drive instead of the 40. Oh well!

Time to give the code slave his morning lashing... it's important to keep people motivated when you're running a project. The Royal Navy managed to run quite well on rum and the lash... I'm trying Coffee and the lash!

Rather Spiffing Day Out!

After a completely unsuccessful shopping venture, my hapless sidekick and I decided to follow recommendations from friends and visit the "bite of seattle" (left). A kind of mad festival around food where you just sample dishes from the city's restaurants and bars. Sounds good on paper, wasnt a great selection of restaurants and the best ones dont seem to bother.. However, the weather was fantastic, the people watching was fun, and the entertainment was good.

Easily best bit for us was the cup of extremely good coffee from the star bucks at the top of the space needle... where we got some amazing views which, being fair, we should share for you...

Fleece the yanks!!

In a shock turn from my normal scorn filled postings, im actually going to compliment the boy. We spent last night at what is apparantly a "typical" neighbourhood poker game,
whilst my game went pear shaped.. then good, then back to pear shaped again (thanks to me being overly confident with some very bad hands..) I ended $5 down from a kitty of $7 (very low stakes, to keep everyone friendly). The code monkey on the other hand managed to turn his seven into $19.20, fleecing the Americans hugely, making himself unpopular and generally doing rather well. As the evening went on he was gradually disapearing behind a stockade of chips.

My new goal is to remember how to play properly, then between the two of us generate enough cash from poker games to be able to claim asylum, just in case the whole project goes very wrong (which at the moment looks likely) and we get sent home.

An excellent fleecing though!

Aaaaaahhhhh....

Now exact polar opposite of my earlier mood. Especially after lord of the dance called me a vogon! So now all relaxed and chilled out.. mainly due to the fact that we spent the evening in sublime decadence with our friends from Bainbridge Island (2nd nicest place to live in america you know!) in cheesecake factory. Highly recommend the combination of Godiva cheesecake and a dry vodka martini! :)

We also now have servers, thanks to begging and stealing! And hey presto, the state of the art monster of computing power that is the Redmond development labs (left). Amazed arent you? We're so lucky to work in such high-tech gadget filled environments.

Mind you, does mean we have no real excuses for work dodging..

drat..

Whinge Whinge Bloody Whinge

Right, I'm fed up. Four days of unproductive meetings, 2 days behind on the project, apartment only JUST has services. I've got my miserable employer whining "where's the rest of it". The code monkey keeps complaining I'm not making him breakfast, the weather has turned rubbish. I'm missing loved ones at home, and then when I do try and speak to them I cant because theres NO BLOODY MOBILE RECEPTION in any of the buildings I have to work from!

Oh and people have complained about comments on my site being switched off... tough! I'd rather not know what most of you think about me! Get your own blogs!

It's just not cricket.

Now, to top it all off... the voices in my head are back. Well at least it'll give me somebody to talk to.

And.... why does our kettle take so long to boil?

At last!

Well, thanks to the efforts of the people at Comcast we now have phone, cable tv and an internet connection.

Thats after another day of being stuck in the library, poor Gromit struggles harder and harder every day with his documentation. Even resorted to pamphlets on early literacy (left) ;)

Why on earth we need this many tv channels I have no idea.. almost 200 of the dam things, and not one of them any good! Comedy Central always seems to go down well, but for some reason they have terrible stand up on.

Speaking of which I dont think I've posted on our terrible evening out being insulted by bad wine and dreadful comedy, and we paid $40 for the privilige! The nerve of it.

Anyway, we're in, settled and working through the accumulated wines and bears..

But now the work gets harder.. as we're behind on the project due to the lack of connectivity.

Sock Obsession

I'm gradually becoming worried by Neils general hatred of people who wear socks with trainers or sandals... and then shorts on. I'm actually with him on this one, given it looks absolutely bloody awful, don't they know how STUPID they look??

Worryingly though I think he's developing a slight tick, and there's that glint that makes him look like any minute he'll leap on them and beat them to death.

I'd keep an eye on the news if I were you....

"Foreign man blugeons unfashionable twit to death in library"

Libraried

Stuck in Redmond library again, although this time elf-boy doesnt appear to be attracting the same calibre of nutters as yesterday. Very dissapointing. I did actually manage to take a picture of slow reading humming man, which I shall post as soon as we get F*CKING INTERNET ACCESS from 11 Maficking Parade.
Finally got the lovely little Mac Mini working though after messing up the refresh rate of the tv and being forced to rebuild the whole thing from scratch.

Survived Jives' cooking at least, was very good despite the fact that he's trying very hard to convince me that it wasnt! Busy blaming American food produce.. which I can agree with, everything has been injected with either vast quantities of sugar or salt, or failing that has been massively refined and processed!

Still, we found the British Pantry yesterday, got essentials like Heinz salad cream, marmite, branston pickle etc. Rest of the store was a bit odd looking. Then spent the next hour lost looking for Target to by cheap kettle, and a power extension (which I still managed to forget).

We're assured that the continuing saga of our accomodation will be fixed today. Though I dont believe them. I'll get my own back...

.... you see if I dont!

American Libraries? Magnetic North for lunatics...

Due to lack of internet access in the the palace of righteous justice (2 bedroom flat in Redmond) we've resorted to working from Redmond Library, which has decent internet access, and up until now has been pretty quiet.

We (well, Neil) seems to have developed this amazing talent of attracting total nutters... we've been joined out our table by a humming person (right) who so far has taken nearly 30 minutes to read ONE page of the Wall Street Journal. We've been acosted by a very old person (who we previously thought were banned in Seattle) who decided that Neil was concentrating too hard (stench of burning rubber and noisy cogs were a dead give away) and took pity with what I suppose he thought was a pleasant remark.

Public Libraries.... the USA's answer to "the nutter on the bus" who always sits next to you.

Now Live!!! Live!!!

Right there we are, laziness concluded and finally started the blog I promised to weeks ago.

Escaped the Coast Hotel in Bellevue at last, moved into our deluxe accomodation yesterday. Pleasantly large actually, 1,000 square foot of newly carpeted, white walled splendour... with a tv that has no cable connection or remote control, no broadband or internet access of any kind, no phone line, and last but not least the creature gollum had to sleep on a mattress on the floor because they didnt deliver his bed. More than he deserves if you ask me! I'm alright.. I demanded full facilities!

Weather is absolutely wonderful, very hot, very sunny, numerous opportunities to see huge mountains, lakes etc. No doubt there'll be numerous postings of photos of hilarious goings on. Or alternatively of two over-worked depressed people on the verge of a nervous breakdown, or alcohol posioning from excessive amounts of red wine.



Anyway, things we've learned so far;
1. American drivers are too polite. Have to start ramming people and shouting soon.
2. It all works far far too well. Feeling the need to do something anarchic to mess the system up a bit
3. Never switch the resolution of a mac mini below 800x600 when your only display is a rather rubbish TV without a remote control
4. Safeway supermarkets are dreadful. Use QFC.
5. American stand up comedians aren't.